thinking about mawmaw

This time of year my thoughts turn to my grandmother - who we called mawmaw. She passed away on July 1, 2004. Its hard to believe that it has been four years yet, in a lot of ways, it isn't hard to believe. Its seems so long since we saw her. Her death was sudden for our family. She had a heart attack on Monday (the day before her birthday) and passed away on Thursday. That week is not a blur to me, although I thought over time I would forget certain details. I remember most details of that week very well. It was my first real brush with death as an adult. I have always been around death growing up - but when you are an adult - it seems a little different. I actually spoke at the funeral - which was totally out of my comfort zone - but it felt like something I needed to do. I remember the love and support we received from so many, especially our friends. I know that shouldn't have surprised us - but it did. It showed us how loved we were and it meant so very much to us.

While we try not to be sad because we know she is in a better place, there will always be that void in our hearts for her. There will always be regrets of, "I wish I had spent more time with her" and "I wished I would have asked her more questions about her life". But, since I cannot go back, I press forward and remember the things she did teach me and remember how much she loved us and how much we loved her. So, in honor of mawmaw - I thought I would list some of things I miss the most about her.

• Christmas isn't the same without her. She isn't running around with her jingle bell around her neck (today I display it proudly in my house during Christmas).
• Trying to get our names right. She would call us every grand daughter's name until she got the right one: Tracy, Tammy, I mean Gina.
• Calling her on the phone and hearing her say, "hey love!".
• Calling her on the phone and laughing after she hung up because she never said bye. When she was finished talking she wrapped it up and hung up.
• Playing dominoes with her or solitaire.
• Watching her open gifts - she was like a kid. She would always say "awwww", or "that is too much - you shouldn't have".
• Watching the Parent Trap with her - she watched it everyday - no kidding everyday!
• I miss hearing her stories. She talked and talked and talked and talked some more. We used to wish she would be quiet. Now, I wish I could hear those long stories again.
• The stacks and stacks of everything! She didn't throw ANYTHING away. After she died we found bills, clothes, magazines and books from the 60's.
• Hearing her slip a cuss word out. She wasn't a cusser - but you would occasionally hear her let one out and it was so funny.
• Her love for red birds. She had them everywhere. And every time I see one today - I think of her.
• Her fanny pack that she still wore proudly.
• Her silver shoes - which would be in style today.
• Her coolots (long shorts).
• Her love for cats and dogs. She loved her animals.
• The buttercups that grew in her front yard.
• The cards she sent to people. She had boxes and boxes of cards. She never missed a birthday, anniversary or a hospital stay.
• Her laugh

I could go on and on...but will stop here. Mawmaw - you are missed and loved today more than ever!!